That was a great job, but…
Peter de Jager is a provocative Speaker,
Writer and Consultant. His primary focus in on how we manage change,
technology and the future. In addition to speaking at conferences
worldwide, he's also written monthly columns for Municipal World and
Computing Canada. His goal is always to question what we
think is so, and in so doing perhaps open up new opportunities. If you'd like permission to reprint any
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Most of us will readily admit that motivating staff to bigger and better things is a difficult task. What most of us don’t seem to understand is that demotivating them is incredibly simple. All we have to do is constantly use that little word ‘but’.
All of us, after completing a difficult task, and hearing our manager start a conversation with the title of this article; have no difficulty knowing exactly where the conversation is heading.
We know that after an almost non-existent pause in the land of compliments and appreciation, we’re heading into the work zone of constructive criticism, time to put on the hard hats, harness and safety boots. Within a nano-second, that glow of appreciation will wear off and all we’ll remember is that management isn’t satisfied with our performance.
All of us recognize that perfection is a rarity. The philosophy that “there’s always room for improvement” is a good one.
It reminds us that relaxing on kudos is okay for a while, but (used intentionally) it won’t move you forward. Where we
go wrong is not paying very close attention to the affect of exactly how we phrase things, especially when we’re offering advice.
The word “but” is insidious. When isolated for effect, as in the title above, it’s obvious what it does. It undermines everything that went before it, it states unequivocally that what comes next, takes
precedence over what came first. Nobody has to be taught how the word ‘but’ operates, but (see?) we do have to be reminded of it from time to time, because most of the time we use it without thinking.
Make a point of listening carefully to how people use the word, (especially anyone being interviewed on TV) and watch the effect on the listener (that would be yourself). Better yet, if you dare and have the courage, set up an internal warning system in your head. An automatic red flag that alerts you when you’re about to use the B word. You’ll be surprised at how often you use it and if you’re objective enough, how much it discounts the praise you’re attempting to dispense in good faith.
What’s the alternative? Consider the difference between “That was a great job, but…” and “That was a great job, and…” While the B word creates the expected gap between the praise and what’s coming next, the ‘and’ keeps the two items connected to each other, playing no favourites between the important praise and the necessary feedback.
Some could (will?) argue that neither the difference between ‘and’ and ‘but’ nor the benefits are as large as I’m claiming them to be. They could be right, but (again… intentionally used) it doesn’t cost anything to use ‘and’ rather than ‘but’. No matter how tiny the advantage of using ‘and’ rather than ‘but’ is, the ROI is real.
There’s another reason to create that internal flag to warn you when you’re about to use the B word. It heightens your awareness of how your words are perceived. When we accept that it’s easier to give insult these days, than it is to give praise, then anything that forces us to pay closer attention to what we say has both long and short term benefits.
There are some additional alternatives to the simple ‘and’, consider the following, “That was a great job, in spite of…” or “That was a great job, even though…”, but (did the flag go off? If so, then this article is having the intended effect) even though these are intended to raise the importance of the praise, they’re subject to misinterpretation. The simplest solution to the issues raised by the B word is to substitute the conjunctive ‘and’.
Becoming a good manager doesn’t require any heavy lifting, it does require constant attention to people and all our (yes, managers are people too, despite rumours to the contrary) quirks, idiosyncrasies and foibles. The language we use in conversation generates gut responses. Sometimes those responses aren’t the ones we expected, but they are a result of the language we chose to use. Regardless of our intent, we ignore how words affect the listener at our peril.
To complicate matters, with the passage of time, language shifts and dances about the core of meaning. Consider the praise offered to Christopher Wren regarding his masterpiece St Paul’s cathedral by Queen Anne, “it is awful, artificial and amusing”
Awful = Awe inspiring
Artificial = A product of artistic design
Amusing = A delight to the senses
Imagine how he’d have felt if she had said…“it is awful, artificial and amusing… but…”
© 2007, Peter de Jager – Peter is a keynote speaker who delights in the use of language, both written and spoken. You can contact him at pdejager@technobility.com
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