From Mere Greetings, to Great Meetings
Peter de Jager is a provocative Speaker, Writer and Consultant. His primary focus in on how we manage change, technology and the future.
In addition to speaking at conferences worldwide, he's also writen monthly columns for CIO Magazine and Computerworld Canada.
His goal is always to question what we think is so, and in so doing perhaps open up new opportunities.
If you'd like permission to reprint any of Peter's articles, please contact him directly.
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I know association (assn) executives are busy, especially at the start of a conference, but we do ourselves a disservice when we don’t make the time to carefully observe what we create.
Basic premise: Assns exist for no other reason than for members to associate.
Some believers in the great “God of Technology” suggest that face-to-face meetings are going the way of the Dodo, replaced by a variety of really kewl (sic) technological innovations. To know the error of that prediction, just watch people coming together
at a conference after an absence.
Pay careful attention, and the real purpose of meetings will unfold before you, “It’s so good to meet you finally!” combined with a hearty handshake or, “It’s been a long time, it’s great to see you again! Followed by an eager clasping of hands over hands, even kisses and hugs. Meetings are much more than the exchange of information, they are opportunities to reconnect and reassert our existence by contributing value to, and being recognized by, our community of choice.
Here’s something that tangentially encapsulates this for me, the Zulu greeting of “Sawubona”, and the traditional response, "Ngikhona”. "Sawubona" means "I see you" and "Ngikhona" literally means "I am here".
Inherent in this exchange, is the idea that until you saw me, I didn't exist. By recognizing me, you bring me into existence. “Ngikhona” isn’t only a response; it’s almost a personal revelation. “I must be here! He sees me!” A Zulu folk saying reinforces this concept of our existence being a joint effort, "Umuntu ngumuntu nagabantu", meaning "A person is a person
because of other people".
If that seems far removed from how westerners normally think of a greeting, think back to the long running TV show "Cheers." In the opening song, one line predominates, "You want to be where everybody knows your name."
Those two examples should suffice to support the notion that we have a longing to be where people recognize and value us, and perhaps out of that recognition, we create our sense of self. We have all experienced the uncomfortable, distressing, sense of disconnection where we've been "strangers in a strange land", where every face was foreign, where no comrades
were there to welcome us.
As a speaker I get to far more than my fair share of conferences, and even though I make my living as a speaker I’m forced to admit that most conferences suffer from a common ailment;
Far too many speakers speaking and
not enough attendees meeting.
The best conferences I’ve attended are the ones where the #1 priority of the conference was for attendees to be with each other, and not just with the experts brought in to justify the renting of microphones, podiums and lecterns.
Conferences attempt to fill all the available time with “events”, rather than allowing attendees the time to create their own meeting. It’s almost as if we have a fear of blank space, not trusting that the attendees will fill it with personal meaning.
Yes, it’s true that in many assns, many of the members do not know each other, that they’re nearly all strangers to each other. If this is true, then the assn need only practice the ancient art of Introductions. Nothing special is necessary, only play host and introduce one stranger to another, they’ll take it from there. Honest.
The World Economic Forum is recognized as one of the most prestigious meetings in the world. It is attended by world leaders and global experts. Yet, they make a conscious effort to have attendees interact in small informal groupings. Each evening there are dozens of dinner meetings
modeled on the Salon concept, “bringing diverse people together to exchange ideas”, popular in the late 1800s and early 1900s. At each location, a speaker is selected to give a short provocative presentation and then the ideas presented are discussed by the attendees over dinner until the wee
(and whee!) hours of the morning.
Other conferences take a different approach. In a 90 minute session, the imported, allegedly important speaker addresses the group for 45 minutes and for the rest of that time slot, the attendees, in groups of 12 or less, discuss the presentation within the context of their organizations. How relevant are the concepts? Are they already being applied? Will they be brought back to the organization? How exactly? What pitfalls/opportunities do they present?
The focus in both examples is the deliberately engineered association of peers, rather than
the passive listening to an expert. In neither of these examples above have I ever witnessed uncomfortable silence.
Even when a meeting planner fails to bring enough opportunity to “meet” to their meetings, attendees find a way, either by skipping the scheduled events (seen by planners as a failure) or by spending what free time we’ve allowed them, in the bar exchanging both real greetings and real meaning.
© 2006 Peter de Jager - This article first appeared in the Association
Trends Magazine and is reprinted with permission. Peter is a Keynote Speaker and consultant specializing in Change Management.
You can contact and share your stories with
him at
Pdejager@technobility.com
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